adelaideabsolute on Datingish

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Tuesday, 30 September 2008

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Friday, 19 September 2008

Currently Listening
Black Holes and Revelations
By Muse
Knights of Cydonia
see related
Flirting with Your Best Friend

I've recently developed a totally awesome friendship with a young man named Josh. He's helped me get through some pretty rough spots very recently. And I've been able to spill my ugly black guts to him, even though I've never been able to do that with most guys. We've really become best friends.
Enter overly intuitive, and observant mother to shake things up. She tells me, that most guys only call you their best friend because they're in love with you. Of course, I'm like, "Nuh-huh" cause you can have a best friend who is a guy, it be just that. I know it has to be possible. (She's had three best guy friends finally confess they're love to her, after she was married.) And she said that she thinks Josh is in love with me, especially after watching how we interacted the day we were all packing up my house. At this phase in my life, I really didn't want to hear it. Stuff like that makes me nervous.
Of course, I've been a flirt my whole life. I flirt all the time, don't even realize I do it. But sometimes, I do it on purpose.
Firstly, I allow Josh to call me at 6 in the morning. I don't cuss him out. Well, once I cussed my phone out because it scared the hell out of me, but still. (And this started before my mom decided to open her wise mouth) It doesn't feel like a happy day if he doesn't call me. I get severely disappointed.
Start text messages, Josh: "Just wanted to say have a blessed day and start the day wit a smile lol. love ya! oh and plz dont do a gay-wegian sandwhich lol" Me: "You have a blessed day to. And i wont go havin a gaywegian sandwich. Love you too!" (Gay-wegian sandwich is stuck between Jake Gyllenhal and Heath Ledger, I'm part Norwegian.) And then the next day, Josh: "Just messaging u cuz i can. just wanted to know how ur day is so far and wanted to remind u dat ur awesome. i love you! and have a lil fun lol." to which I answered, (excuse my language,) "Im having a pretty good day! Hows your day? Youre pretty fucking amazing yourself! I love you too!" And it continues.
We go back and forth, "You're amazing."
"No you're amazing."
"How about this, we're both amazing and don't deserve friends like ourselves."
"Ok, but you're one that I'm not."
"I'm a girl."
"Well, yeah, there's that. and your the most amazing wonderful and beautiful friend I have."
And so on.
I don't know how to handle all of this.
Classic highschool dillema, loving your best friend.
EDIT: I realized that I totally started correcting grammar, spelling and punctation of the text messages. So, that's what they say, only they look less like a 13 that doesn't know how to spell "please" (yes, I know them). I get neurotic about those sometimes.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Currently Listening
One Cell In the Sea
By A Fine Frenzy
Whisper
see related
Socially Awkward and Romantically Inept

I am becoming extremely frustrated with myself recently. I am realizing (fairly quickly) how socially awkward and romantically inept I am.
Now let me start off with this: My mom raised me with the mantra, "Boys have cooties." In other words, this meant no touching, kissing, and only side hugs. She continued to tell that to me . . . up until I turned 18 it seems. Now, seeing as how I never had much of a rebelious streak, I obeyed her. Well, okay, I gave good, normal, frontways hugs. That's not the point, a hug is a hug. I never really branched out. I've had a few boyfriends, and all ending kind of awkwardly distant. I've never really kissed anyone either. I've been kissed, but I never really know how to respond. It's like my mind throws up a million walls and things for me to fight through, that I can't process it all at once. I tense up and freak out.
I'm only just now getting comfortable with hanging out with guys on my own. I'm comfortable with hugs, and cuddling. Most of the time. I'm terrible at flirting. And at kissing! Ha! I've never been worse at anything (ok, theoretical physics and advanced calculus might have kissing beat in the areas of things I'm terrible at.)
And it is so damn frustrating. I'm trying to let go of being insecure. To know that it's ok to just chill around guys. It's not like I'm going to turn around and whore myself out.
Anyways, I really needed to vent.
Adelaide

Monday, 08 September 2008

Whoa, didn't see that coming . . .

So last night he called. Now, I was asleep, and I had my phone silenced (my way of avoiding him without technically avoiding him.) He left a message. And he broke up with me.
I never actually supposed that he would be the one who would do it. But I get the distinct feeling that he thinks I've cheated on him or something, but that's not it at all.
He also doesn't want to talk to me either.
All in all though, I feel better.

Much better.

Friday, 05 September 2008

Currently Listening
Sixteen Stone
By Bush
Glycerine
see related
Glycerine

People have always asked me why I never acted on the half a million crushes I've had since age too-young-to-even-consider-a-boyfriend. I hope they now know why.
Often times, my crushes are just passing fancies of craziness.
Now, I'm in a relationship with a boy I liked a lot. But did I actually sit down and think about how I really felt about him? Of course not! What self-respecting hormonal teenager who hasn't had a boyfriend in two years does? Obviously, not me.
Now, mind you, he hasn't done anything wrong. He's a great guy, but like most of my teenage crushes, my feeling for him have passed. And now I'm feeling stuck.
That's why I never acted on all of the crushes I had. Despite the fact that my friends would tell me to go for it, I knew I would end up feeling stuck. Trapped, if you will.
I've only had four boyfriends in my 18 years (oh yeah, I'm a hag, at least that's what JZ says). Which I don't mind. I don't really feel like I'm missing anything but way too much heartache. Sometimes I don't even count the first guy. The bastard only used me to get close to my best friend at the time. And then he had her tell me that we were broken up. Not cool. Second boyfriend, he was much better, by a long shot. He and I dated for two years. Mind you, we started going out while I was in 8th grade. We broke up because of some disagreements, but overall, the experience wasn't terrible. Third boyfriend, he was clingy, needy, and depended on my to hold his world together, like some all glorified piece of ducttape. And now, there's my current boyfriend. Which, obviously isn't going so well.
So that's why I'm here.
I'm frustrated.
I'm terrified.
And I need my Dr. Pepper buddies. (My two best friends, we all drink Dr. Pepper like it's our lifeblood.) They help me through, but living two hours away from them at college is killing me. (They're a grade under me. Which is cool, they're still the best.)
Ok. So this quickly turned quite pointless, so I'm done.
Adelaide