adelaideabsolute's Datingish

What Happens In Knoxvegas, Stays in Knoxvegas: Rated for Harsh Language, Innuendo, and Somewhat Sexu

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 21:47:09 GMT

It's nothing graphic, don't worry. I just like being silly. There is language, and innuendo. And maybe some not so much innuendo, but there's no actual sex. I just had the most kickass weekend, and I wanted to share it.

Ok, so I'm going to try to keep this in order, and I'm telling you, this weekend could be made into a three part movie. lol. So here goes.

So Amber and her friends, Alex and Nikki, came to visit me here in Chattanooga. (They all go to school in Knoxville.) This was on Thursday mind you. Our original plan was just for them to hang out for a few minutes before they had to disappear back to Knoxvegas. Well, they ended up kidnapping me for what was to turn out to be the best weekend in my life. And there were no drugs or alcohol!

So Thursday night Amber and Alex take me on a grand tour of the UTK campus and we get this wonderful idea. Because we had been gone for quite some time we decided it would be the best if we convinced everyone that we had just had a crazy wild threesome in the park. So Amber and I (we're very different sizes) strip our shirts (on the street corner) and turn them inside out and trade. We muss up our hair so we have sex hair, and practiced goofy "I just got fucked" smiles, and Alex unbuckled his belt, and we walked back hanging all over Alex. Amber's friend Nate was sitting outside of the dorm smoking and he watches us walk up and he's like "WTf?" only he doesn't say anything. And we just kind of giggle stupidly and Alex has this smug look on his face. Then Nate see Alex's belt buckle, and his eyes go wide, and he just nods his head and smirks at Alex, and says "Oh yeah."

And then we found Amber and Alex's friend Aaron (damn, lotsa A names) and he took us on a ride in his wonderful sexy souped up car (he drag races it). And I was sitting in the back seat and asked him, "Hey, Aaron, can Amber and I sit on the hood of your car while you rev the engine?" and he didn't get the innuendo at first, and says, "I think that would give you an orgasm." And then understanding dawned on his face, I go "Yeah, that's kinda what I was looking for." Amber and I have decided to rape his car. After that, we were hanging around and somebody says, "Hey let's go play poker." So I lost my only $.75 to poker. And then someone suggested strip poker (and we're in a room anybody can walk into by the way) I decide that I didn't want to play that, so I dealt. It was a nice show. We stopped at underwear. But hot Damn if Aaron isn't one sexy motherfucker I don't know who is. I was getting distracted and my hands were getting shaky, it was that bad. So that was Thursday.

Friday: Amber had a date, so I hung out until Alex got back from work, he, a guy named Ian (who was pretty wasted), and I went walking around campus. We broke into one of the buildings (it wasn't locked, but we weren't supposed to be there.) We heard a custodian coming down the hall, so we ran out, only Ian being totally wasted didn't run to the glass door, he ran into the glass window instead, and fell down. It was so fucking hilarious. After he finally found the door, we found an elevator and got into it. We pressed random buttons and went into the hall and shouted obsenities and other random rude things, usually pertaining to a sexual nature. And then we went back down to the our little outdoor smoking area (they're all big smokers). Well, we ran into a guy, Andrew, who has a hooka. So we sat there and smoked the hooka for awhile. He didn't put any drugs into it. The great thing about the hooka is that you have a water purification system so it's more like steam than anything, it's smooth, and much healthier than cigarettes. And the whatever the hell it is you use for the smoking tasted like strawberry candies.

Ian came back from the party he disappeared to and he was even more drunk. And he was chill though. Until two of his drunk friends came up and got him all worked up because he got lost in a parking garage and broke his phone. So he chucked his phone. Well one girl went and picked his phone up and gave it back at him and drunkenly pleaded with him not to throw it again, and he sat there for a minute and then just chucked his phone again. So I asked him in a soft voice to calm him down "Hey, Ian, buddy, you need to calm down. Would you calm down if I massaged your back?" and he said "Hell yes!" (Ian's a funny drunk.) So I started to massage his back, and I'm pretty positive that if he wasn't so wasted he would have had an "embarassing episode" right there in front of God and everyone. He was like, "Dude, you're fucking amazing. You guys should try this, she's the shit!" So I ended up making rounds at the table. So soon word got out that I give orgasmic back massages.

So after like hours of sitting out there, giving back massages, dealing with drunk people, people that were tripping on acid, and some random fraternity prick that showed up out of nowhere who wasn't only drunk, he was also high on coke! He was scary, we finally got him out of there.

I ended up having to room with Alex that night because Amber spent the night with her date, and I was sexiled from her room because her roommate's a bitch who claims she's not fucking her boyfriend, and yet won't let us sleep in the room when he's there.

Saturday: Saturday afternoon passed kind of boringly (I didn't go to bed until 5 in the morning and woke up at 12.) Saturday night we went out and tried to find a dance party. Well, we found none, so we had an emergency dance party in front of the dorm. And do I mean dance party. It was quite fun. So we were outside until like 5 in the morning playing poker, giving recieving back massages, and dancing. It was hella fun.

Sunday: Amber and I went outside to head to Walgreens to buy herself a pack of cigarettes, and Parker (oh my fucking God . . . you're going to be hearing a lot about Parker in the next few paragraphs) was out there and said, "Hey you guys up for Taco Bell?" we told him that we weren't hungry but we were headed to Walgreens which was close by. So he gave us a ride in his H3 (sexy as hell. The interior was like leather, I would just fuck the SUV!) and we came back and sat outside while he ate. I sat in Ambers lap, and she decided to be a bitch and bite me right between my shoulder and neck . . . she didn't expect the reaction I gave her. I said, "Amber, don't do that!" and she goes, "Why?" and I said, "I think you know very well why." I had just told her like the day before that my neck, shoulders, back, and ears are very . . . "sensitive." So she goes, "OH! That's why." and Parker got this mischevious look on his face.

He comes over behind me, and starts lightly touching my back and I can't help myself, I'm squirming and going all red in the face, but before anything happens, Amber made him stop. So I decided to get him back for it. I gave him one of my orgasmic back massages, and I make him squirm. I think I almost killed him, in a good way. Well, Tyler and Aaron come outside, and suddenly, we are heading up to Tyler's room to play STRIP POKER. And this time I join in. Now we play down to our underwear, and the girls have to take off bras if they lose. I was the second loser. So I'm sitting in this fucking cold room, completely exposed. But hey, I got to see Parker mostly naked, and he's got a glorious rock hard body. So I finally lost my last hand and put my clothes back on, and gave Aaron a back massage (he was first out, so he got his clothes back on too, he's got a glorious rock hard body too.) So we finally leave (and damned if I wasn't turned on as hell in there.) and we're walking the hall to go outside and Parker looks at me (I'm sure I'm all pink in the face) and says, "You need a cigarette after that don't you?" all cocky like. I agreed. So we went downstairs, only Amber didn't come with us to the same place, so I'm alone with Parker and Tyler. We go outside and I start to give Parker another massage, because he asked for one. Well, Amber goes to the carwash with Chris (her date from Friday) and I had just finished with Parker.

He says, "Your turn!" and I think he's going to give me a back rub. So I sit down next to him. No, he couldn't just give me a simple massage. No he had to be a tease and give me a fucking orgasm in front of everybody out there. I tried to hide it, but he was sitting there stroking my back and my ear lobes, and I went all red in the face, I was shaky, and so I just laid my head on the table and covered my face with my arms so it wasn't as obvious. He actually got me to make a noise or two! In front of people! We even had clothes on! Amber came back and was like, "What the hell is going on?" I couldn't formulate a good answer. So we all went to lunch, where I had time to kind of chill out. And cool off.

After lunch Amber left me with Parker and Aaron again, and I went with them (in the sex car) to a tattoo parlor, Aaron was going to get his tattoo priced. Well, the parlor was closed so we came back. Amber wasn't done with whatever she was doing so I followed Parker and Aaron back up to Parker's room because Parker wanted his cigarettes, and Aaron had to return a pool stick to somebody. Well Aaron comes to Parker's room after he gets the pool stick. Parker handcuffs Aaron. Aaron gets kind of mad and embarassed and leaves . . . still handcuffed. So Parker and I wait for Aaron to get somebody to call Parker to let him go. So we're standing in Parker's room with his roommate and Parker hands me a coke. I'm drinking the coke and he goes to tickle me. I almost choke on my coke, and then I burp, like right in his face . . . it was so attractive. lol. Well he kept trying. So I ended up nearly drowning in coke. lol.

Well, Aaron finally called us and so we went downstairs to free him, and there's Alex. Well, Parker picks me up so Alex can tickle me, and Alex says, "Dude, have you tickled her ass yet?" and Parker was like, "No?" so Alex tickles my ass while I'm still in Parkers arms (you know that romantic carrying the bride over the threshhold kind of things . . . ) so I can't leave. And somebody yells, "Handcuff her ankles!" so next thing I know, I have a handcuff on my ankle, but instead of my ankle being cuffed to the other, I'm cuffed to a bench! I can't get away! So then Parker shows Alex what happens when you touch my back and my earlobes and whatnot. I can't escape, so I grab Parker's hat and use it to hide my face. Parker is just standing there, watching me, and I know he's smug as fuck. And Aaron couldn't figure out was going on until I started to fidget.

Now I would say that I didn't enjoy it, but I'd be lying if I did.

So it's time for Alex and Amber to take me home, and we all pile into the elevator, Parker included. Well, elevators make me really dizzy and disoriented and Amber picks me up just as it jerks up. Well Parker starts stroking my neck, and Alex is tickling my ass and knees. As soon as the elevator stops, I'm so disoriented, dizzy, confused, turned on, and just sensory overloaded I yell, "Where the fuck did the elevator go?" So I get out of the elevator and walk towards Amber's door and the floor starts to turn vertical.

In short, Parker and Alex working against me got me so flustered that I left my keys in Alex's room, and after we were about twenty minutes out of Knoxville I yell, "Fuck! I left my keys."

Now, Parker and I had already been flirting before all of this, but now . . . woo doggy.

P.S.- So I'm a lazyass and just copied an email I sent to my friend. lol.

Flirting with Your Best Friend

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:05:17 GMT

I've recently developed a totally awesome friendship with a young man named Josh. He's helped me get through some pretty rough spots very recently. And I've been able to spill my ugly black guts to him, even though I've never been able to do that with most guys. We've really become best friends.

Enter overly intuitive, and observant mother to shake things up. She tells me, that most guys only call you their best friend because they're in love with you. Of course, I'm like, "Nuh-huh" cause you can have a best friend who is a guy, it be just that. I know it has to be possible. (She's had three best guy friends finally confess they're love to her, after she was married.) And she said that she thinks Josh is in love with me, especially after watching how we interacted the day we were all packing up my house. At this phase in my life, I really didn't want to hear it. Stuff like that makes me nervous.

Of course, I've been a flirt my whole life. I flirt all the time, don't even realize I do it. But sometimes, I do it on purpose.

Firstly, I allow Josh to call me at 6 in the morning. I don't cuss him out. Well, once I cussed my phone out because it scared the hell out of me, but still. (And this started before my mom decided to open her wise mouth) It doesn't feel like a happy day if he doesn't call me. I get severely disappointed.

Start text messages, Josh: "Just wanted to say have a blessed day and start the day wit a smile lol. love ya! oh and plz dont do a gay-wegian sandwhich lol" Me: "You have a blessed day to. And i wont go havin a gaywegian sandwich. Love you too!" (Gay-wegian sandwich is stuck between Jake Gyllenhal and Heath Ledger, I'm part Norwegian.) And then the next day, Josh: "Just messaging u cuz i can. just wanted to know how ur day is so far and wanted to remind u dat ur awesome. i love you! and have a lil fun lol." to which I answered, (excuse my language,) "Im having a pretty good day! Hows your day? Youre pretty fucking amazing yourself! I love you too!" And it continues.

We go back and forth, "You're amazing."

"No you're amazing."

"How about this, we're both amazing and don't deserve friends like ourselves."

"Ok, but you're one that I'm not."

"I'm a girl."

"Well, yeah, there's that. and your the most amazing wonderful and beautiful friend I have."

And so on.

I don't know how to handle all of this.

Classic highschool dillema, loving your best friend.

EDIT: I realized that I totally started correcting grammar, spelling and punctation of the text messages. So, that's what they say, only they look less like a 13 that doesn't know how to spell "please" (yes, I know them). I get neurotic about those sometimes.

Socially Awkward and Romantically Inept

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 23:26:29 GMT

I am becoming extremely frustrated with myself recently. I am realizing (fairly quickly) how socially awkward and romantically inept I am.

Now let me start off with this: My mom raised me with the mantra, "Boys have cooties." In other words, this meant no touching, kissing, and only side hugs. She continued to tell that to me . . . up until I turned 18 it seems. Now, seeing as how I never had much of a rebelious streak, I obeyed her. Well, okay, I gave good, normal, frontways hugs. That's not the point, a hug is a hug. I never really branched out. I've had a few boyfriends, and all ending kind of awkwardly distant. I've never really kissed anyone either. I've been kissed, but I never really know how to respond. It's like my mind throws up a million walls and things for me to fight through, that I can't process it all at once. I tense up and freak out.

I'm only just now getting comfortable with hanging out with guys on my own. I'm comfortable with hugs, and cuddling. Most of the time. I'm terrible at flirting. And at kissing! Ha! I've never been worse at anything (ok, theoretical physics and advanced calculus might have kissing beat in the areas of things I'm terrible at.)

And it is so damn frustrating. I'm trying to let go of being insecure. To know that it's ok to just chill around guys. It's not like I'm going to turn around and whore myself out.

Anyways, I really needed to vent.

Adelaide

Whoa, didn't see that coming . . .

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:32:28 GMT

So last night he called. Now, I was asleep, and I had my phone silenced (my way of avoiding him without technically avoiding him.) He left a message. And he broke up with me.

I never actually supposed that he would be the one who would do it. But I get the distinct feeling that he thinks I've cheated on him or something, but that's not it at all.

He also doesn't want to talk to me either.

All in all though, I feel better.

Much better.

Glycerine

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 22:25:38 GMT

People have always asked me why I never acted on the half a million crushes I've had since age too-young-to-even-consider-a-boyfriend. I hope they now know why.

Often times, my crushes are just passing fancies of craziness.

Now, I'm in a relationship with a boy I liked a lot. But did I actually sit down and think about how I really felt about him? Of course not! What self-respecting hormonal teenager who hasn't had a boyfriend in two years does? Obviously, not me.

Now, mind you, he hasn't done anything wrong. He's a great guy, but like most of my teenage crushes, my feeling for him have passed. And now I'm feeling stuck.

That's why I never acted on all of the crushes I had. Despite the fact that my friends would tell me to go for it, I knew I would end up feeling stuck. Trapped, if you will.

I've only had four boyfriends in my 18 years (oh yeah, I'm a hag, at least that's what JZ says). Which I don't mind. I don't really feel like I'm missing anything but way too much heartache. Sometimes I don't even count the first guy. The bastard only used me to get close to my best friend at the time. And then he had her tell me that we were broken up. Not cool. Second boyfriend, he was much better, by a long shot. He and I dated for two years. Mind you, we started going out while I was in 8th grade. We broke up because of some disagreements, but overall, the experience wasn't terrible. Third boyfriend, he was clingy, needy, and depended on my to hold his world together, like some all glorified piece of ducttape. And now, there's my current boyfriend. Which, obviously isn't going so well.

So that's why I'm here.

I'm frustrated.

I'm terrified.

And I need my Dr. Pepper buddies. (My two best friends, we all drink Dr. Pepper like it's our lifeblood.) They help me through, but living two hours away from them at college is killing me. (They're a grade under me. Which is cool, they're still the best.)

Ok. So this quickly turned quite pointless, so I'm done.

Adelaide

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 18:25:04 GMT

I'm Adelaide.
I'm distraught, confused, and as of right now I'm feeling downright hopeless.

It will pass.
I know.

But it doesn't help the fact that I'm feeling it right now.