Friday, 05 September 2008
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Currently Listening
Sixteen Stone
By Bush
Glycerine
see relatedGlycerine
People have always asked me why I never acted on the half a million crushes I've had since age too-young-to-even-consider-a-boyfriend. I hope they now know why.
Often times, my crushes are just passing fancies of craziness.
Now, I'm in a relationship with a boy I liked a lot. But did I actually sit down and think about how I really felt about him? Of course not! What self-respecting hormonal teenager who hasn't had a boyfriend in two years does? Obviously, not me.
Now, mind you, he hasn't done anything wrong. He's a great guy, but like most of my teenage crushes, my feeling for him have passed. And now I'm feeling stuck.
That's why I never acted on all of the crushes I had. Despite the fact that my friends would tell me to go for it, I knew I would end up feeling stuck. Trapped, if you will.
I've only had four boyfriends in my 18 years (oh yeah, I'm a hag, at least that's what JZ says). Which I don't mind. I don't really feel like I'm missing anything but way too much heartache. Sometimes I don't even count the first guy. The bastard only used me to get close to my best friend at the time. And then he had her tell me that we were broken up. Not cool. Second boyfriend, he was much better, by a long shot. He and I dated for two years. Mind you, we started going out while I was in 8th grade. We broke up because of some disagreements, but overall, the experience wasn't terrible. Third boyfriend, he was clingy, needy, and depended on my to hold his world together, like some all glorified piece of ducttape. And now, there's my current boyfriend. Which, obviously isn't going so well.
So that's why I'm here.
I'm frustrated.
I'm terrified.
And I need my Dr. Pepper buddies. (My two best friends, we all drink Dr. Pepper like it's our lifeblood.) They help me through, but living two hours away from them at college is killing me. (They're a grade under me. Which is cool, they're still the best.)
Ok. So this quickly turned quite pointless, so I'm done.
Adelaide
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Comments (4)
From experience, if it's not working for you, then it's not working and really, who says you have to have a boyfriend, anyway? I wish I'd spent less time worrying about guys in college and more time enjoying the experience. My point is this: if he's not the one for you, and you're feeling miserable and trapped, then break it off. Unless you absolutely think your feelings will genuinely change, then you're just torturing yourself and leading him on. I've been in situations like that--I liked him at first, and he was a genuinely nice guy, but he wasn't it for me. There were no major flaws, but a lot of little incompatibilities that I couldn't even put into words. You'll get to the point where you can't stand it anymore and that'll be that. And you may feel like you're kicking a puppy, but try not to dwell on it. You shouldn't have to stay with someone because you feel guilty or obligated to do so. Sometimes things don't work out and that's okay.
Just two-cents from someone who has sooo been in your position before.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
-Katie
guys always come and go. It's best to take something from each one and learn. I do the same thing with girls. Someone always has something good to offer. They'll come a time, probably soon when that guy makes you feel like not leaving him for whatever reason.
omg my two best friends are a grade below me too! It's inconvenient at times but I love them to death.
@wilcolover - It totally kills me. I live two hours from the DP Buddies, and about an hour and 15 minutes from JZ! Well, JZ is in my grade, but he goes to a different college.